If you'd like the best book of reviews of over 31,000 movies before you go to Pirate Bay to grab a torrent of one, and then maybe waste an hour or so downloading something that VideoHound rates as a 'Woof!', you should get a copy of this book first. And what is a 'Woof!' you ask? That's the Hound's lowest rating, or in his own words, "Watching your neighbor's vacation videos might be less painful. May be redeemed by stretches of unintentional amusement."
Instead of stars, the rating scale is Bones. For example, One Bone means: "Poor use of camera, film, sets, script, actors, and studio vehicles." One Bone and a Half: "Toying with respectability, while still lurching in the gutter. Often lacking in standard cinematic devices, like plot and performances." Two Bones: "May be perfectly delightful for certain tastes. A waste of time for others. Usually uninspired genre flicks." For Two Bones and a Half: "Technically well made but often standard fare; won't make you yell at the screen too much." Three Bones: "Good story, fine acting provide decent entertainment return on video investment. Would recommend to family members, even distant cousins." Three Bones and a Half: "Memorable cinematic fare with flair, verve, polish, sheen, and panache. Easily able to recommend to friends." And lastly, Four Bones: "Masterful cinematic expression. Flawless or nearly so. Will want to recommend to complete strangers on the street."
This book is a paperback, and it's 1,921 pages of scintillating reading, and when next year's updated edition comes out, it will make one hell of a doorstop, in case you need one. Don't leave home without it, especially if you're heading for the video store. Get the picture?
Oh, and before I forget, here's VideoHound's home on the Wild, Wild Web, just in case you have trouble lifting a book that's eight and a half inches by almost eleven inches by two and one-quarter inches thick. (Hernia, anyone?) and costs mucho dinero.
No comments:
Post a Comment