An old friend writes....

An old friend writes: "Lately, I've had a steady pain in my left buttock, and I've made an appointment with a back specialist about it..."

OK, here's the picture.....

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In a nutshell, it's like this: Once upon a time, in a land far away, before the invention of flappers, trappers, and zappers, our ancestors lived in trees - yes, actual trees, leaves and berries, and nuts, and fruit and .....no, I'm not describing Hollywood, so don't interrupt.....and our people weren't exactly called 'people' just yet. And everybody had tails, the better to swing from the branches of those trees. And those tails were controlled by a set of muscles located where your tailbone is still found at the bottom end of your spine. There's a pair of those muscles, one on each side, in case you wanted to wag your tail from side to side because you were happy to see someone, or wanted to let them know you were friendly. 

Years passed - in fact eons passed,  and an eon is several many millennia, for those keeping score. So what? So we lost our tails, is what. But we didn't completely lose everything else that went with the tail. We kept those muscles that helped us to wag it, and some nerves nearby that carry signals back and forth between your brain and your southern exposure, in case your Southern is exposed, like with exotic dancers, just for example. And I'm now coming to the good part about the bad news: those muscles you didn't lose when you lost the tail are probably pinching one of those nerves that carry those signals to and from your brain, and now those nerves are yelling 'Ouch', and you need to do some exercises, like walking down to your friendly local watering hole, for a good stiff bourbon & branch water, and maybe observe Bubbles, this week's star attraction on the exotic dancing list, just to see how she keeps her tail-wagging muscles in top form. Any questions? Good! Say 'Hello' to Bubbles for me.....