About 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

Alice Audley of the Telegraph has a few choice words for us about this overrated 'pot-boiler' of an erotic tale.

And if I'm understanding her correctly, it seems as if this may be a sly re-hash
of that 1986 R-rated epic '9 1/2 Weeks' that made Kim Basinger famous, even
though it rates only two-and-a-half bones from Videohound. And Videohound describes two-and-a-half bones like this: "Technically well-made but often standard fare; won't make you yell at the screen too much."

And let's face it: sex has been around as long as Homo Sap-head has, and it amazes me that it hasn't already become as boring as three-day-old cowshit.
The Earl of Chesterfield described it thusly: 'Sex: The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.'
George Burns said: 'My mother told my father to tell me about the birds and the bees. He took me to Coney Island, pointed to a couple making love under the boardwalk and said, "Your mother wants you to know that the birds and the bees do the same thing." '
And Rita Rudner said: "I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."