Charlie is getting smarter! (Who said it couldn't be done?)

Atta Boy, Charlie! Those actresses with a high silicone content are high-maintenance, and they tend to have a short attention span in direct proportion to your increasing wrinkles. And just because a gal can suck a golf ball through six feet of garden hose, it doesn't mean she belongs on the Family Tree.

And why buy a farm to pasture a cow when there's a convenience store just down the street with a cooler full of fresh milk? You knew that too, didn't you?
Now, all you have to do is settle the palimony suit, and you can get on with your old age and fear of commitment issues. Any questions?