Russell Crowe, 'Noah', and criticism of the story

Bad News, Kiddies - there's no way that story could have ever happened in any way shape or form similar to its telling in the Bible, or anywhere else.  Who told you there were two of every creature on earth just happening to live within the round-up distance of the ark? And I've seen it rain for over forty days and forty nights up here along the north coast of the Pacific Northwest of North America and it didn't result in any earth-covering flood. It just got damned tiresome -
like this bullshit about Noah and his homemade houseboat. It's a fable! You probably also believe in the Tooth Fairy, don't you? Come on, now, 'fess up!