From USA Today...

Even the mountains must be customized. Is nothing sacred? Anyway, Good Morning, My Fellow North Americans.... too bad about Groupon. They're so heavily into 'bullshit', they're now inventing past Presidents.

And who the hell is Bob Costas, and why should I care. 

Jimmy Fallon takes over the Tonight show from Leno. What can I say? He's no Carson, that's for damned sure. Most of the time, he thinks he's a 'wit' but he's usually only half-right.

Penn State gets a new president. I graduated from the College of Hard Knocks, so why should I give a damn? Remember, Kiddies: Never let your schooling interfere with your education. Mark Twain said so. Would he lie to us?

Lastly, if you're an Ethiopian Airlines Captain, don't go to the bathroom during the flight! You may not recognize the airport you land on...

Ford sold me my first new car back in 1957. Ford hasn't sold me anything since.
And this monstrosity is uglier than a junkyard dog! Buy a Dodge, Kiddies....